Posted by: Chelsea Novak | November 9, 2009

DuWop: Twilight Lip Venom

Well this is a first. I’m going to try to review a product I haven’t actually tried. While I have a list of products to blog about possibly longer than both my arms, upon discovering this product today, I just had to say something.

Lip Venom is a really fun lip gloss. Using spices and other such irritants, it can make your lips swell and, for a period of time, appear larger. It also tastes like cinnamon (win!). I’ve been a fan of this product for many years, enjoying the gold and silver flecked versions of them for more playful occasions. Also the container is wee, so very easy to transport around.

Yes, Lip Venom is all kinds of good. But what’s happening here… this cross promotion with Twilight, well I don’t know about this. The Twilight books are not good. The first movie is not good. I rationally know this, but am drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I feel the same way about them as I do about eating a bowl of cookie dough. Way back in my reptilian brain, I’m enjoying myself, but every other fiber of my being is disgusted. I’ve made my peace with this contradiction by reading the books/seeing the films, all the while calling the entire situation out. There’s a delicate balance going on here.

But this demento world of cross-promotion throws everything out of whack. A harsh, white, exposing light of truth has been cast. It’s like I’m eating that bowl of cookie dough and 5 really fit and skinny blondes walk in and start laughing at me.  Twilight LIP VENOM? And did you read the copy on that page? Some poor, poor marketing person had to write that:

Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.

Twilight Venom is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Twilight Venom is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a super potent bite (watch out!), and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.

Oh gawd. It makes me feel dirty for loving make up, being a professional marketer and having Twilight as a guilty pleasure. “Let the alchemy transcend?” Oh fuck off. It’s like the overwrought prose of Stephenie Meyer has gone viral and is infecting all these parts of my life (don’t even get me started on the Muse connection, sigh).

I can’t tell you whether or not this is a great lip gloss or not. Rationally, I suspect it will be pretty decent. Much like a glomier version of Benefit’s BeneTint. But I can’t bring myself to test it, unless it means testing how well it holds up while eating a bowl of cookie dough.



  1. I’m just throwing this out there… Hayden Pantierre would’ve made a great Bella Swan.

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