Posted by: Chelsea Novak | July 11, 2006

A new definition for child abuse

So M and I are watching the Home Run Derby for the All-Star game (proving that we will watch any sport on TV) and a baseball player is sitting in with the commentators offering erudite perspectives on the art of the home run. This is nothing strange, though the nicknames they all use for eachother sure are. This baseball player, no doubt reinforcing the marketing message that baseball is a family game, has his exceptionally well behaved infant daughter on his lap. She’s cute. Very cute. She’s somewhere between 6 and 10 months. And how do I know that she is, in fact, a she?

It’s true that it can be hard to tell the gender of a baby just by looking at its face. I suppose that’s why colour coding them in pink and blue saves everyone potential embarrassment. “Oh what a cute little boy! I mean girl!” Anyway, she’s wearing a very cute little red dress and using a dash of deductive reasoning (this is baseball and it’s still a “man’s” sport, the baby would have been decked out in an infant baseball uniform had it been a boy) I know she’s a girl.

But apparently that’s not enough clues. Maybe I’m smarter than your average bear. So just in case someone doesn’t get that this baby girl is, in fact, a baby girl, someone (I can only assume this child’s mother) did the unthinkable. She put one of those ridiculous headbands on her.

You know the ones I’m talking about. All lacy and frilly, usually with a bow or flower that almost rivals the size of the infant’s actual head. It just screams to me “I know my baby doesn’t have enough hair for everyone to be positive she’s a girl, so I’m going to put a headband with a satin flower bigger than the moon on her head just to be safe. Okay!”

I’m positive there are people out there who think the baby-girl headband is the most adorable thing in the world. I think it is cruel and unusual. It also looks terribble. I suspect that the headband loving crowd are the same people who have, and enjoy, wedding videos. Someone has to like these things because they keep getting made.

What people do as adults, it’s really their own business and if it makes them happy, all good. But to inflict such a horrible thing upon an otherwise innocent and pure being… A darling baby girl. Oh the humanity. Quelle horreur!



  1. If I recall correctly, it was A.J. Pierzynski and his daughter.

    Timmi’s with you, she thought the bow was ridiculous. I thought it was pretty cute, though I admit, that particular one was a LITTLE on the large size, given that it was at least the size of her head.

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