Posted by: Chelsea Novak | October 26, 2005

Lotto fever

Tonight will be the draw for the biggest prize in Canadian lottery history, and goodness gracious, people are buying up tickets like they’re going out of style. With all this lottery talk I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I’d do if I won.

I’m such a freak that I have alternate plans based on the amount of money I would win. You see, winning $50,000 is a very different fantasy than winning $40,000,000. Personally, winning $50 I would find to be a nice treat given the odds when you’re playing the lottery, so my expectations are low. I know that lotteries are an idiot tax, but sometimes, when life is really annoying and boring and future looks pretty hopeless a little lottery fantasy can make the day bearable.

If I won $50,000 it would be pretty welcome. I could be debt-free and have a nice chunk to save and a nice little bit to splurge. I’d get my bass fixed. It wouldn’t really change the course of my life, but it would stop those middle-of-the-night, spirit-crushing panic attacks.

A million, that would be pretty fantastic. The depressing idea of buying a nice house in Toronto would become fun, savings galore, I would have a room in my house just for shoes, I could easily go back to school, give some to my family, have investments, travel some…I could be very comfortable for a very long time. Yes, that would suit me just wonderfully.

If the odds really tipped in my favour, like really tipped in my favour, and I woke up tomorrow the winner of 40 million dollars, well that would be something. As unfathomable as that kind of money is, I have some ideas. First off, my parents would be set up for the sweetest retirement in history. Mortgages would be paid off left, right and centre. I could repay and spoil many of the people who’ve helped me along in my life to a positively ridiculous degree. Then, I would never stop going to school, becoming so smart that I could fell great armies with an idea. Maybe get my Masters in evil. I would travel the world at my own pace and see all the forests. Listen to classical music performed in all the great concert halls. Buy a huge plot of land shaped like the words “Fuck Off” and build a home there. Hopefully waterfront property. I would donate enough money to the hospital that they would have to name a wing after me and I would demand that they use my last name in really, really, big letters…

The reality is that I won’t win anything, but thinking about it has been a good time. Lotto fantasies are good fun, so tell me about yours.

Today’s sing-a-long song: “If I had a Million Dollars” by the Barenaked Ladies




  1. First off: half would go to my parents, which they would dole out to my grandma and brother and whatever other family members they wanted. Then, I’d do the obvious: buy a house here, pay off my bills, give a whopperload to charities, etc. Then D and I would spend the rest of our lives comfortably following our dreams of becoming full-time actors. And I would spoil the people I love ROTTEN. Whatta life!

  2. There are smarter ways of playing the lottery. I would like to point out a very cool program that I am a member of. Basically, you can get paid to play the lottery which is VERY cool. If you check out and click on “Income” it explains everything. To be a captain sounds expensive ($50 a month) but with just two team captain referrals you are already getting paid to play the lottery every month. Plus, since you are on a team, you increase your odds of winning. I’m not saying you have to join, or that you even have to give it the time of day. I’m just letting you know that there are options out there for playing the lottery smartly.

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