Posted by: Chelsea Novak | October 11, 2005

The lies of the boy bands

When I’m working out, I’ve found that I have to alternate my music selection from day to day. Sometimes angry drum & bass will scare me into running and sometimes a selection of R&B will get my feet moving. Once in awhile I have to pull out the big guns and listen to really, really cheesy music. It’s mindless, it’s happy and I can run to it.

The other day I made the mistake of actually thinking about the cheezola sounds coming through my headphones and I got a little philosophical. It a little scary how far I went with this, but I also think that I have a point.

And my point is that boybands set girls up with totally unrealistic ideas of what boys are actually like. You see, part of the appeal of the boyband to the young teenage girl is that they’re a non-threatening introduction to the world of boys and dating. And that’s all and good, but why set girls up with expectations that are just preposterous?

Lie 1) “You’re all I ever wanted”

Right now, you mean to add. There’s a sad reality that young impressionable girls just aren’t aware of, and that is that young men, in matters of sex and dating, will tell bold-faced lies to weaken your defenses. Suuuure I’m the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life. Does that include the 9 years that girls had cooties? Does that trump how those new Adidas shoes were all you ever wanted last week? Or does it trump the redhead you’re going to meet next year? I don’t think so.

Lie 2)”Oh baby, give me one more chance”

I’m sorry and I’ll do whatever you want to make up for it. This lie is particularly heinous because it’s doubly misleading. First it assumes that men actually apologize and admit that they’re wrong. That NEVER happens. Based on that piece of best-selling fiction, the lie goes on to suggest that a guy would willingly do all kind of crazy things to get back into your good books. This also NEVER spontaneously happens. Only after much guilt-tripping and hint-dropping does a man begin to see what could be done to make reparations, and at best it’s done begrudgingly.

Lie 3) I want you back for good

Let me translate this one for you ladies. “I left you for better things, but better things wouldn’t have me, and now I’m crawling back to you in the hope that you’ll take me back. Who loves ya baby!”

Lie 4)”I don’t know what he does to make you cry, but I’ll be there to make you smile”

No, really, I will treat you better than he does. If you believe that, then I have some land to sell you in the Everglades. You ultimately dictate how well someone treats you. That’s right YOU! He may treat you better than the guy you’re with now, but unless that transition is accompanied by a shot of self-esteem and self-worth, odds are you’re jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I guess “I’ll treat you better than him if you learn to respect yourself” isn’t as catchy a song lyric, but I would sing-a-long if I heard it.

Lie 5)”I’ll be loving you forever”

This particular lie can go sour on you in two different and terrible ways. The most common lie, and reality, is that no one, especially a teenage boy, is going to love you forever (except for maybe your mother). You’re lucky if you’re going to make it ’till prom. Personally I think it’s unwise to pledge something for a period of time that is beyond comprehension and calculation. But that’s just un-romantic me.

The slightly scary other side of the coin is if he actually DOES love you forever. Let’s not kid ourselves. Teenage girls are just as fickle and evil as teenage boys (perhaps I should do something equally mean to girl groups next week), so when a girl decides that she would like to move on to greener pastures, the boy may not be so keen on this new agenda. She’s pretty much purchased a one-way ticket to Stalkerville.

So there you have it. What it is, I don’t know, but it sure is there.



  1. You make me laugh so hard I drool all over my keyboard. I love the photos.

    But the best part is, you have a point. When young boys say these things to young girls, they’re either liars, stalkers, or naive.

    Now let’s talk about Sk8r Boi.

  2. I will forgive 14 year olds for believing this…I mean the guys in the band are so sweet and isn’t it great that there are guys who think this way!! (insert eyelash flutter here). What makes me a little sad/scared is that a lot of fans of the boybands seem to be grown women who should have given up long ago on ever finding a man who actually said or did anything mentioned in boyband lyrics. Wait…is my cynicism showing?

  3. I don’t exactly *like* boybands, but I now smile indulgently at them and bop happily along to their music. When I was actually in the right age group for it, I scorned them with the fire of a thousand pre-teen suns. (And I do still loathe NKOTB.)

    I’m not sure what it says about me and my relationship with reality, but my husband *is* a sweetie. 😉

  4. Half of these men seem much more into cuddling each other on camera than writing convincing lyrics to women. Interesting. -Amy

  5. How sad it is that you don’t have anything to do but reflect on the lyrics of boy bands and if they’er lies or not.I hope you find a real person to share yourself with,But first find out who you are and what your about.Then you’ll know if your being preyed upon by a liar and what they are trying to take from you.PEACE,LOVE and UNDERSTANDING………..

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