Posted by: Chelsea Novak | March 17, 2005

A song from back in the waitressing days

And if one day I should become
A singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue
I’d sing to them with a guitar
I borrowed from a coffee bar
Well, what you don’t know doesn’t hurt you

My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
And when I gave them some they’d know
I’d expect something in return
I’d have to get drunk every night
And talk about virility
With some old grandmama
That might be decked out like a Christmas tree

And no pink elephant I’d see
Though I’d be drunk as I could be
Still I would sing my song to me
About the time they called me “Jacky”

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute in a stupid ass way

And if I joined the social world
Became procurer of young girls
Then I could have my own bordellos
My record would be number one
And I’d sell records by the ton
All sung by many other fellows

My name would then be handsome Jack
And I’d sell boats of opium
Whisky that came from Twickenham
Authentic queens, and phoney virgins
I’d have a bank on every finger
A finger in every country
And every country ruled by me
I’d still know where I’d want to be

Locked up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some China men
I’d sing the song that I sang then
About the time they called me “Jacky”

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute in a stupid ass way

HRH

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