Posted by: Chelsea Novak | January 12, 2005

Dumb things boys have said to me

Sometimes you think about the past. Maybe you hear a song or smell a smell that brings to back to a moment in time and that moment gives you pause for reflection. Like today, a song came up on my ipod that sent me right back to seven years ago and a conversation. The conversation wasn’t too much to write home about, save one exchange, which got me reflecting some more and made me want to write this down and get it off my chest.

The following are strings of words, commonly known as sentences, that dumb boys have put together using one, perhaps two neurons to form them and actually said to me.

Chelsea, you’d be perfect if you were 5’9″

To this day I still long to run into the guy who said this to me, and who thought that spending hours WATCHING him play sega hockey was entertaining for me in any way, pick him up by the throat and say “Do you feel like a big man now that you’re looking down at me?”

I just wanted to love you in my own Trent Reznor-ish way

Tip to anyone with a shred of sanity, using a man who hates himself so much he makes the term self-loathing seem inadequate as an model for how you want to love someone is exact opposite of what anyone hoping form a functional bond with another human being should do. Angst is fine, as is having a a bit of a darkside, but wanting to love someone in the style of the guy who created The Downward Spiral, well it just doesn’t sound like the kind of relationship that ends in any kind of happiness.

I only went to the strip club to play pool

Okay, seriously, you went to the club to look at the peelers. Don’t insult my intelligence and suggest that there aren’t piles and piles of other pool halls in the city. It’s like Chris Rock says “No one goes to Hooters for wings.” Admit it.

Ahhh, now I feel better.




  1. peelers?

  2. Could be another case of Canadian vs. American vernacular. Peelers are strippers, as they peel their clothes off for a living. Such a classy name, no?

  3. If I ever go to Hooters (big ‘if’ here), it will probably be for the wings. (“Dude, did you see the wings on that girl?”)


  4. Hey Chelsea. Flashback. When we were at Queen’s a guy in my residence told me,” Hey Melissa, if you lost 20lbs. I’d totally go for you.” Uhhhh….thanks for affirming every fear I’ve ever had about what guys think of me. Nice. By the way, I live in Montreal now.

  5. Hey Mel. I can only hope that I’ve affirmed that guys who say crap like that are absolute morons. And Yay, Mel is only 5 hours away!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: