Posted by: Chelsea Novak | April 8, 2003

Boob-a-licious

I have a problem with using the word “boob” to describe decoletage. It’s just one of my things. I think that when you’re describing something as beautiful and awe inspiring as breasts, you should not use a word that’s a synonym for “idiot.” Call it my “rack”, call them “the twins”, it’s all good. “Breasts” or “the most beautiful things I have ever laid eyes upon” will also do. But call them “boobs” or worse yet “tits” (I feel dirty even writing it) and you are so not getting a peek.

There’s just something about the “t” word that instantaneously wisks me off to a world of seedy porn stars and mullets. For some, that’s a happy place. For me, it’s like one of the inner circles of hell. I do not work in the porn industry and as such don’t find it necessary to be addressed with porn vocab. It’s even a stupid sounding word. And if I hear someone using it I suddenly see them as one of those white-trash skids from highschool who’d walk up to just about any girl and say “lemme see your tits baby” with an backwater accent to match. Oh I could just swoon.

This may make no sense, but in my mind of convenient distinctions “tits” are objectified, whereas “breasts” are admired. “Boobs” aren’t so offensive, but the word just makes me feel silly. And unless I suddenly come over with a clown fetish, silly is never going to get me to sexy.

So, if I have such an aversion to the term “boob”, why did I title this entry “boob-a-licious.” It’s all my friend Tania’s fault really. Tania is really laid back and has very few issues when it comes to body vocab and she continues to love me in spite of how remarkably uptight I am (see above rant). Tania has an excellent vocabulary, proper and gutter wise. The interesting thing is that she’s someone I can hear swear a blue streak (not something she often does) and it doesn’t bother me in the least. Take any slang term that’s applied to female or male anatomy that would usually have me going “gah”, have Taina say it and I’m not phased in the slightest.

Anyway, Tania has this great term for a top that makes yor cleavage do what you want it to do (which is look fanastico). And my prudishness aside, I think it’s a really great term. I was sampling some clothes at Mango today. I tried on this really cute biege top that’s so fitting you have to zip up the sides. Had it been a size larger it would have been perfect for me. Sadly it wasn’t made for women with long torsos and there wasn’t enough fabric in the body to keep me from looking like I had a yen to be teen pop star. But even as it was all I could say as I looked in the mirror was “Boob-a-licious.”

HRH

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