Posted by: Chelsea Novak | November 12, 2002

Some of the reasons why Kari rocks or Attack of the crazy tall chick

Yesterday I got a package at work. It was sent from Kari and I couldn’t imagine what it might me. She hadn’t mentioned sending anything to me, so I opened it with much curiosity. First there was a magazine from Tower records about Tori, which was sweet. The highlight of it was the notes that Kari had diligently written over key ads and articles. The best of which was written across Christina Aguilera’s skirt. “I’m a dirty whore.” it read. Kari rocks.

Then there were piles of pages torn out from People magazine. “Sexy at any size.” was the title, with Kari commentary above “Yeah, “full-figured” & a bunch of versions of thin!” So I flip through the pages and find the offending article. And dude, what are they trying to push? Maybe the article was written with good intentions, but the fact remains that aside from the three bigger actresses (Nia Vardalos, Marissa Jaret Winokur and Sara Rue) and full figured icons (Emme, Camryn Manhiem, Kelly Osbourne, Carre Otis, Mia Tyler, Kate Dillon and psychopath Anna Nicole Smith) it was basically showing the reader several versions of thin and passing it off as brave actresses who’s overcome physical obstacles to find their inner beauty. P-lease!. It was nice for me to see that both Allison Janney and Uma Thurman are the same height as I am, however I can’t help but notice that all the girls in the tall category are also stick thin. There was no tall and curvy category.

The astute Kari made notes beneath each body type. Where the category was Curvy, she added Thin below (the best of which was, Thin and Thin). Even worse than the categories were the before and after Ally McBeal comparisons f Claista Flockhart and Portia de Rossi, who have apparently fleshed out a bit since the end of the show. And that’s great since they were nasty thin, but why, dear lord, why did people feel the need to digitally stretch their before photos to make them appear uber-skinny. Sigh. And can a please send a giant F-U to the editor of people magazine for adding that Jennifer Aniston worries that her behind is a little big.

Anyway, getting the people magazine was a total treat and thank you Kari! You rock. I don’t understand why I can read In Style and feel A-Okay about my body and even enjoy it, but then read People and feel like a really tall cow. They’re pusbished by the same company! I do try not to fall into all the body image crap. I question myself when I call myself fat. I try not to judge my self worth by how well my pants fit, but even though I try all that it, sadly, doesn’t work all the time. I don’t think I’ll ever be citied with having a confidence problem, but I do say to myself “you should do more sit ups” or “you’d be perfect if you just changed …” Which is really just total bull. Sigh. Would life really be better if I had ripped abs and a different nose? No, it wouldn’t.

I think the thing that upset me the most about looking at all the sizes of the stars was how totally short they are. I love being tall and being who I am. However the girl I once was, who refused to date people if they weren’t tall enough (how much of an asshole was I?), bought huge clothes in an effort to feel small or refused to wear heels, sometimes wonders what it’s like to be small and cute. Heck, I wonder what it would be like to be average. What would people see as my defining characteristic if I weren’t the glamazon that I am?

I have to pause and smack myself. I just wondered what it would be like to be average! Clearly this body image crap is like a fever that has to pass. One of these days Glamazon Woman will kick Insecure Girl’s ass and this whole debate can be put to rest.

Stand up tall chicka.

HRH

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