Posted by: Chelsea Novak | September 10, 2002

If I had a hammer..

I’d walk nextdoor and bash the heads in of the moronic drunk guys who think they’re the next best thing in singing. I’m all for singing, but at appropriate times, like as in not at 12:30 a.m. in a space that is open to several apartment buildings. Singing at the top of their most certianly drunk lungs. I’m trying to think of something I can throw at them, or maybe I can create some sort of bomb form cat litter that will silence them and tell them what I think of their singing. Oh no, it would have to be made out of used cat litter.

Noise makes me insane. Very much so when I’m trying to sleep because I have a meeting very early in the morning and I need sleep because I’ve had a very stressful day and odds are tomorrow will be like that. I’m really happy for these merry minstrels that they don’t have responsibilties that entail them being awake, alert and competent at early hours. How fucking nice for them. I’m not sure when I decided to wage total war on them. Was it all the crappy Czech songs they were singing (I’m sure they’re great songs, I’m just reallly cheesed), or when they started singing the song that never ends “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” or when the one guy burst into a version of “A Sol Amio” that was just a couple notes high of his actual singing range. Maybe, in trying to hit the high note he actually ruined his vocal chords. Nope… he’s singing again.

It’s so loud its inescapable. And now he’s singing Queen. Maybe there is some sort of God and it really, really doesn’t like me.

This is war. Off to build the kitty litter bomb.

HRH

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