When I was a child and I was asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” the answer was almost always “a dancer.” I loved dancing. If my parents left me home alone, I pushed all the furniture aside and danced ’til I dropped. I spent hours in our basement watching music videos and recreating routines (I *may* still do this, but I’ll deny it if you ever call me on it). Like other kids, I took ballet and jazz. I even had an ill-advised foray into tap dancing. Was a good at it? I don’t remember and it didn’t really matter. I hit 5’9″ at the age 12 and it was the final nail in the coffin of my would-be dancing career. Dance classes were traded to make room for other activities. I never stopped loving dancing though, and it was always in my life, one way or another. More recently, it’s been a very important part of my life and at times, been key in saving it.

Almost exactly five years ago I took my first dance class with Eneli. It was at this all-girls boutique gym that I’d been to the previous summer for my bachelorette party. I stood in the back (cause a) that’s what you do when you’re new to a class and b) shy, tall girl), not knowing what to expect. Loud hip hop music blasted and what may be the world’s most terrifying awesome warm-up began. I was so hooked, like at the reptilian brain level. It’s not often that you do something and instantly feel “this is totally the thing for me.” It was a class called MTV Choreography. We learned do dance like they do in music videos. And it was the kind of fun I lack superlatives for.

This quickly led me into taking Hip Hop classes with En as well. I even dragged my best friend Tash to come along, as we were long-time workout buddies and I was about to quit the treadmill forever. As I said to Tash when I was selling her on the classes “the dancing is fun, but OMG you are going to love the instructor.”

En is this insanely talented, hilarious, whirling dervish of a person. To know her is to adore her. She taught me a lot more than just steps. In the following months and years she taught me that it didn’t matter at all how big or small you are, so long as you dance with attitude. So much so, that this tall girl stands up at the front of the class to dance now. *snap*snap*snap*

En also taught me the fine art of faking it until you make it and, even better, that when you screw up, laugh if off and own it (I even created a special dance for when I make mistakes. When I make mistakes outside of dance class, I do the dance in my head). I don’t know what it was about these classes, but they helped me not be so damn serious. And when I had an awful day, dancing it out to some moderately vulgar hip hop really made things better.

Because her classes were challenging and entertaining, there were a lot of people who became regulars. Some seriously quality people. Some have come and gone, but I’ve made some dear friends along the way. We’ve gotten into the best kinds of trouble in and out of class together.

Last year, these classes taught me something I never would have predicted. I learned that even in the darkest days of depression, dancing with your friends for an hour can be enough to keep you held together for another day. Having something like that in your life, even if only for a little while can sometimes be the difference between sinking and swimming.

As you may have guessed by all this reflection, this dancing ritual is about to come to an end. En is moving away and while I know I’ll keep dancing, it is the end of an era. Tonight is our last dance class and obviously I’m heartbroken. I knew it couldn’t have gone on forever (at some point my body was going to make it clear that we are simply to old for such silliness  – note: we’re not even close to there yet), but it would have been okay if it had lasted a few years more.

What I feel most is gratitude. For five years, my Tuesday and Thursday nights have been about doing something I love with people I really enjoy. That’s over 500 hours of dancing my ass off. And while it may never be the same as dancing with En and the other girls, I’m take the attitude I learned there with me wherever I go.

Thanks for everything En.

Today is my 35th birthday. In some ways that seems very young and old at the same time. I guess they weren’t kidding when they said that the 30s are the decade that really mess with your head. I actually believe that you’re only as old as you feel. This means that on any given day, I feel like I’m clocking in somewhere between 17 and 25. Maybe 27 when I’m at work .

35. I don’t quite understand what that means. I’m in a new marketing demographic so I guess that’s something.

It is making me pause a little though. I realized last week that I put a lot of pressure on this age. I know that sometimes in life you need to make big choices and have a plan. I generally deferred those things to “after I turn 35,” category. Thinking that once I hit this magical age, I’d suddenly be “mature.” I’d be the serious person at the table who can express their thoughts without using the word “like”; Refer to myself as woman vs. girl; enjoy Margaret Atwood books; start being able to drink whiskey; watch the news; talk about investments with enthusiasm rather than wanting to shoot myself in the face; not be consistently mistaken for a 27-year-old (I know how I look has a lot to do with it, but how I act plays a big part as well).

But here I am at 35 and I have not attained any these magical powers of so called maturity. Maybe they’re not coming. Or even more importantly, maybe they’re not meant to come. I’ve just tried to be happy and avoid disaster with as much grace as I can muster. It seems to be working. Whether I’m 35 or 65, I think I’m always going to be living life the way that I do. These serious things I keep expecting to happen, I think they’d silence some of the best parts of me. And I don’t want that. I hope I always continue to laugh, dance, sing my way through each day. Maybe as I age, I’ll be less afraid to express myself and let more people in on the constant party that’s going on in my inner world.

I don’t know where I got the idea that getting old makes you serious. That the music stops because “real life” has begun. It can’t be true. I think you just get better at enjoying the song.

HRH

I needed to do a lot of healing this year. I spent a lot of time going to healers of various sorts, traditional and non. I have to say, if you’re hurting, go see a professional. They know what they’re doing. In the process of all this healing, I spent a lot of time (and money) in spas. Another healing thing I recommend. While I was there, I learned a lot. I thought I knew what I needed to know about beauty. Turns out, I had a great deal more to learn.

One of the things I learned was how to really care for my skin. I’ve been on the right course for some time now, but now I know where I’m going. That place, is the alter of moisture. As I’ve long suspected, good skin is moisturized skin. Doesn’t matter if your skin is oily, dry or combo, you need moisture and lots of it.

My esthetician has gotten me in to Dermalogica in a big way. Most of their products are unscented (my allergies say thank you) and they work well with the other products I’m pretty committed to. In terms of my skin care regimen here’s what’s going on:

Cleansing: I’m still using the very gentle Cetaphil Gentle Cleanser. It’s cheap and cheerful.

Exfoliating: I’d been told that as someone with problem skin like mine should not exfoliate. However I was convinced to try it in a controlled environment. It helps that my esthetician has similar skin to mine. As such I’ve felt comfortable getting facials and trying new skin care products with her. So I now use the Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant. It’s very gentle, but helps get gunk off my skin so that it can’t settle in my pores

Toner: I used to hate toners. Mostly because they were all sting and pain. Apparently it doesn’t have to be this way. The right toner should prepare your skin to absorb your moisturizer when you apply it. With a hearty dose of skepticism I started using the Dermalogica Antioxidant Hydramist. It smells nice, so that was something. It also actually made a difference in terms of helping my moisturizer absorb. So that’s me with egg on my face.

Moisturizer: This has always been complicated for me. Most good moisturizers come with SPF. Which is good, because sun damage ages you and that sucks. But most things with SPF make me break out. And that sucks too. But so does sun damage. So I’m usually stuck. Thankfully the Dermalogica Sheer Moisture works without too many ill effects. So for days I know I’ll be outside, I use it.

Other days, I use Darphin Hydraskin Light as it works hard, but it’s too rich (I also use it every other night before bed). Every day I use Darphin Arovita Eye and Lip Contour Gel on my eyes and lips. Aside from some favourable genes, the fact that I have been using eye cream religiously for 15 years, is why I do not look as old as I am. (Seriously, every time someone finds out my age these days it turns into an anti-aging skin care commercial).

Masques: Oh the masks we force upon ourselves. Seriously though, masques rock. I use two different ones, mostly because they aren’t a hassle for me to do. Once a week I use the Origins Clear Improvements charcoal mask. Living in the city and travelling as much as I do, there’s a lot of “ew” that I need sucked out of my skin. I usually put it on as I get in the shower and leave it on while I deep condition my hair. Yay for multitasking.

The other masque I use (and LOVE dearly) is Dermlogica’s Skin Hydrating Mask. I use this one every other night. After I’ve cleaned and toned, I put it on instead of moisturizer and then go to sleep. I then wake up with baby soft skin (and note that many of my breakouts will have healed. Win!). I also put it on when I get on a plane. Planes are awful for hydration, but with this masque, I can get off the plane without my skin drenched in oil (when your skin gets dry, it compensates by creating sebum and your skin gets crazy oily). I also always fly with cuticle oil and a big ol’ bottle of water, but that’s another blog post.

When I look back at this post, it seems like skin care is really hard and complex. Truth be told, it hardly takes me any time it’s so habituated. Also, it really helps that I get advice and treatments from someone I trust. Really, that’s the key. If you find an esthetician you know does good work, listen to them. They will not lead you astray.

 

I feel like I’ve been holding out on you all. I’ve being engaging in a beauty ritual for close to a year now and have not blogged about it. It’s scandalous.

So here’s my confession. After a lifetime of truly, truly awful nails (fan shaped, brittle, terrible cuticles), my nails are now long, strong and awesome. How have I achieved this magic? First, I stopped trying to do them myself. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that you’re not good at something and leave it to the professionals. I suck at nails. So I get regular manicures now.

I also have to get my nails done by pros because I’ve been using Shellac since last November. I’m sure you’ve all heard about it by now. It’s like a gel, except that it can be easily removed and doesn’t do damage to your nails while it’s on. They say it can last up to 14 days. I can usually make it about 10, 12 at the most.

There are a couple of things that I adore about it:

1) It’s strong. It doesn’t chip. It doesn’t peel. I can go about my daily life and not worry about ruining my nails. I used to destroy a manicure or pedicure within 24 hours of having my nails done. My eggshell nails really weren’t good for keeping polish on, so I really gave up. I used clippers to keep them as short and inoffensive as I could. Now that I’m living in the house of Shellac, my nails are great. In fact, I’m so used to having it on, that my nails feel thin and weak without it (they are in fact, absurdly strong now, but I guess it’s all perception).

2) It’s fast. Shellac is cured onto your nails using a UV light. This means that once it’s dry, it’s completely dry. No waiting, no sitting around. You can get up and go. I have a ritual of hitting my nails against the table at the spa as soon as my nails are done because I love that I can. I’m not a person with a huge amount of spare time to waste watching nail paint dry, so the time savings is key.

3) You can layer colours on top of each other to create custom combinations. My esthetitian works with both Shellac and Gelish. The Shellac stuff is great and lasts, but Gelish has crazy colours (and sparkles). We do a lot of experimenting (and often use a lot of sparkles). Because there are several coats, things like sparkles end up looking like they’re suspended in the gel. It’s a lot of fun. I can honestly say that my nails were like the bedroom of a 12-year-old girl for a few weeks. All purple and sparkles.

Did I mention the sparkles?

4) Did I mention that it last 10-14 days? Before Shellac existed, I couldn’t justify throwing down cash for a manicure that was going to chip and peel off in a day. However, paying ~$10 more and having a manicure last almost two weeks, that seems like a better investment.

For example, to the left here, that’s my hand (yes those are actually my nails, mother would be so proud). I got that manicure on Thursday, September 8. It’s the 20th today. That’s 12 days. (Yes, I know I have strange hands. Hand model I ain’t.)

I also get Shellac on my toes. The experience is pretty phenomenal. I was going to post a photo of my feet. My horrible, gigantic, abused and deformed feet, but I am just too vain to do it. The polish is beautiful (teal, in fact), but my feet are so mangled, it’s just not okay. I got my current polish applied on August 28th. I’m pretty sure I can get another 3 weeks out of it too. Just to give you context, I’ve worn mostly flip flops, done about 6 dance classes, barefoot pilates and gone for a few sockless runs. I’m very hard on my feet and shellac has yet to chip on me. (Feet are so gross. I am sorry, I just couldn’t subject you all to mine.)

Honestly, it’s revolutionary and it’s changed my nails. I have nice nails now and boy howdy do I like it. Check out the before and after section of the CND site. They’re not joking. This stuff is that good.  For those of you who are wondering how it comes off, when you go back to your salon, they soak your nails in acetone for 5-10 mins and then gently scrape off whatever polish hasn’t come off. Peeling it off can be tempting (which I have done), but it’s pretty bad for your nails. Again, something best left to the pros.

HRH

I’m back! And I’m back talking about mascara. All is right in the world again.

I’m also way overdue on some product reviews. As usual I’ve been testing up a storm and keeping all the juicy details to myself. Bad Chelsea.

Way back during the holidays (seriously, it’s been awhile) I got the perfect gift. A Sephora sampler pack of mascaras. It’s called LashStash and it included 10 sample sizes of premium mascaras. Fun for weeks right there. I hope to review my favourites in the next little while.

The first of the bunch and the only one I’ve purchased in large form (Benefit’s Bad Gal aside, as I already know how good that stuff is) is Bare Essentials’ Buxom Lash.

As it’s been a little while, it might be prudent review what I think makes a good mascara.

• First, it has to look fabulous. One coat should give you natural with oomph, two coats should have you feeling a bit sassy and three coats should have you well on your way to vamp-ville. Four coats should get your lashes registered as a weapon.
• Next, it has to last. I find most mascaras have a breaking point. They’re great all day and then boom, they’re flaking and making you want to tear out your eyes unless you get that shit off your lashes right away. 12 hours is my minimum standard.
• It can’t stink. I understand that there’s some serious chemistry going on with mascara, but if I’m meant to put this stuff near my eye, then it can’t smell like turpentine.
• Finally, a good applicator. Applicator brushes are a matter of personal taste. I haven’t found one I like more than the Givenchy Phenomen’Eyes, but if you’re throwing down $32 for a tube of mascara, you should get something that’s easy to use and yields results.

So how does Buxom measure up? It’s a volumizing mascara, which I prefer. It meets all the above criteria for sure. As I prefer a little more than natural with my makeup, 2 to 3 coats works well for daily wear. And I can usually get about 14 hours before it self-destructs on me. The applicator is pretty easy to use and like most premium mascaras, it’s patented (ever wonder what it would be like to work in the IP department of a beauty conglomerate?).

For the beauty-obsessed who are also particular about the chemicals that they put on or near their body or have profoundly sensitive skin, it’s made by Bare Essentials; the company that brought the mineral makeup craze into the mainstream. If you have sensitive skin, this may be a good option for you as it’s free of some of the things that people commonly react to. I do have one minor gripe: they say there are no synthetic dyes or fragrances. It seems to be suggesting that if a fragrance is natural, then it’s better for you. I’m allergic to a bunch of natural fragrances, so I don’t quite get why this is a selling feature. Sigh.

Summary, it’s a solid mascara and as such, it gets a solid A-. It would get a full A if I weren’t so smitten with Phenomen’Eyes, but honestly, nothing has compared yet.

As I go through different phases of life my interests in beauty have evolved. In my teens… well, let’s not talk about my teens. There was a lot of white powder, black eyeliner and not much else. In my 20s, I developed a fascination with lipgloss. Colour, texture and endurance. Fun flights of fancy were the norm. Such is youth. Now in my 30s, my obsessions are a little different. Things I really took for granted, like skin tone, have become my area of focus.

A product I picked up on a whim last time I was in the USA is Givenchy’s Le Prisme pressed powder. A part of their 2010 Vintage Christmas collection this pink sparkling powder has been a fun little find.

Admittedly, I was drawn to it for the faux patent crocodile case that it comes in (as an aside, why don’t more beauty companies make truly beautiful pressed powder cases? It’s such an easy opportunity for glamour). However, the wonderful smelling powder within it is even better than the case. The finish is very soft and radiant. Apparently the powder is atomized (blown through a filter to give the different powder elements regular size) to give it a great finish on your skin and to help it last.

And last it does. Using it in the morning, without a primer on clean skin, it’s still there at the end of the day. I could tell because it’s pretty sparkly, so it’s hard to miss. Also, in light of it’s serious shimmer density, it’s too intense for all over the face use (at least during the day in my opinion). It’s pretty perfect as a highlighter supplying a youthful glow, but not recommended as an all-over powder. Instead, concentrate it on the eyelids, cheekbones and (sparingly) forehead.

Givenchy also suggests using it on your décolleté (chest for those who don’t need to use French to talk about the more exciting parts of female anatomy). While putting the powder on places where people are known to look is good in principle, it also means you’re going to get sparkle all over your clothes, scarves and anyone you hug.

If your local purveyor of beauty items has any left in stock, check it out and pick it up. While it is intended for the holiday season, there’s no reason why you can’t sparkle in the long, dark winter months ahead.

HRH

I’m doing this new thing where I note three good things that happened each day. It’s an exercise that’s intended to show me that good and bad aren’t absolutes.

Good and bad things happen all the time. We give these things different weights and levels of focus depending on our state of mind. A negative incident may not ruffle feathers when one is in a relatively good mood, but the same thing on a bad day could be easily construed as “the worst thing ever.”

Like it or not, I’m in a place that makes putting a negative spin on things very easy. I don’t feel like I can always trust my emotional perspective. So this idea of documenting the good things will hopefully help counterbalance my negative perceptions, helping me internalize that, in fact, it’s not all bad.

Admittedly when the exercise was first suggested to me, I had stomach-churning visions of Gratitude journals, saccharine bookmarks and wall plaques with floral designs on them. It’s thankfully not like that (and really, who am I to scoff at people who are into emotive things – if it works for them, then aces). Cynical as I am, there actually seems to be merit in it. I’m actively changing my thought patterns about the state of the world. An empowering thought in chaos.

For example, today’s note went something like this:

1) Had a quick, but nice, walk with a dear friend that I’ve missed
2) Husband sent me links to websites/stories that made me belly laugh
3) Made it to Pilates and did well in class

Does it mean that everything is sunshine and puppies? Nope. It’s not even overcast and hamsters. Crummy stuff happened today too, but it wasn’t all bad. I could have listed 100 good things that happened today. Which means there’s hope, a good thing I’d like to note every day.

Today’s sing-a-long song: “My Favourite Things” from The Sound of Music

HRH

There are many things that define beauty. In fact, ask 100 people what’s beautiful and you may get 100 different answers. When it comes to personal beauty, science and nature have told us that things like symmetry and colour are powerful attractors. You can learn tricks to make an a face appear more balanced and add colour to a pale face. One feature that I think is powerful in terms of personal beauty is good skin. It’s something that women and men around the world go to extreme lengths to achieve. Young looking skin, clear skin, glowing skin, spotless skin, bronzed skin – a lot of work goes into good skin.

It’s part of what got me into beauty. Or more accurately, not having good skin is what got me into it. Needing to learn how to make sub-par skin look like normal to good skin is why foundation is one of my strongest makeup skills (closely followed by eyeliner ). You can get away with using cheap colours on your eyes and lips, save dough with drug store mascara but cheap, poorly matched/applied foundation you cannot get away with.

One product that I’ve recently discovered that helps those with not as good skin have good skin is Poudre Cristalline by Chanel. Looking for a replacement for the limited Poudre Douce in Almond that I’ve been using for the last little while (and cannot find anywhere, stupid limited edition) a very awesome makeup artist at the Chanel counter introduced me to the Poudre Cristalline. It’s a superfine transparent white powder. Intended as a finishing powder, it’s silica based, meaning it does a really good job at preventing shine. However, as the name might suggest to you, it’s all about how it reflects light. The wonderful makeup artist used a term, which I now only incorrectly remember as photovoltaic (not right), that he suggested refracted light in a flattering way. Sadly, I don’t remember the term he used, but what I can say is that it does create a glow. Not a sparkly shimmer, but a glow. At at the same time, it smooths out the skin, both in texture and in colour. A soft focus-like glow and it effectively minimizes skin imperfections. Win.

I’ve been pretty pleased with it since I got it (and got the last container of it in Toronto at that time). The only complaint I really have is that it’s messy. Loose powder is generally a messy affair, but this one takes the cake. The poof that it comes with collects more powder than needed, so sometimes I just use a large powder brush instead. Also, traveling with it messy. Very messy. Such is applying makeup with loose powder.

As someone who has spend much of her life perfecting the art of perfect skin without a perfect canvas, this powder is a powerful tool. I very highly recommend it.

HRH

I had a long overdue coffee date with of my besties today, Tasharific. As she’s a new mom and I’m still working on getting back my version of normal, we haven’t had a lot of time to catch up. Tweets, IMs, text messages and e-mails have done well in a pinch, but a face-to-face chit-chat really can’t be topped.

We’re both in situations that are hard for our “take action to get it done” personalities. Events of last year really taught me how powerless a person can be, regardless of how much you try to do things right. And in processing it all, I can only allow for the passage of time. Not exactly the kind of way I like to approach a problem, but here we are.

From what I can observe of the many new mothers around me, there’s lots of action to be taken and an endless amount to get done, but little of it seems to be plan-able. A lament I’ve heard many times is that new parents are frustrated by how they can’t get things done like they used to and wonder just what heck they used to do with all their free time. (The answer: whatever they wanted to, therein lies the rub).

As we were reflecting on how frustrating it is/must be to not be able to plan and execute like before she became a new mom, I had a bit of a brain wave. “What if,” I suggested, “this is about learning how to do things again, but in a new way. Before you were a parent, you’d pretty much mastered the nuances of life. You have a job, you have a relationship, you maintain a home, pay your bills. You’ve got all of those things pretty much down. Now that you’re a parent, you’ve upped the degree of difficulty. Just like when you level up in a game, things get harder, you get attacked by a few flying turtles and fall down a few pits, but eventually you learn how to do it and you’re on your way again.”

The more I think about it, the more I think it works for anyone who is working through change (though I’m going to put it out there, based on observation, having a kid seems to be a change like no other). I’m pretty sure it jumped into my head because of an article a someone on my twitter feed (can’t remember who, sorry) linked to about the way Super Mario Bros 3 levels were designed and the way that it (and many other games) layer on difficulty and complexity. We learn new skills we’ll need as we progress and level up. I’m not suggesting that it’s a perfect analog for the way people learn to overcome adversity and change. Life doesn’t have a pause/reset button for one.

I think I’m going to make it my mantra of 2011. Rather than feel beaten down and powerless by things I can’t control, I’m just going to say “Level up” and realize that new challenges are hard and daunting, but I can learn how to master them.

Today’s sing-a-long song: “You Should Learn” by We Are Scientists

HRH

Beauty reviews are back my pretties and oh my is there a backlog. During my hiatus, a bucketload of products have crossed my path. I’ll do my best to catch up and then we can all glam it up. Boo and ya.

To begin, I’d like share my thoughts about the Sultra Bombshell clampless curling iron.  In the eight years that I’ve been blogging about beauty products and the like, I’ve chronicled my frustration at having heavy, straight hair. You name the curling option, I’ve tried it. Steam rollers, velcro rollers, pillow rollers, perms, coke can rollers, curling shampoos, industrial strength dryers, animal sacrifice… the only thing that really works (and by works, I mean holds curl for more than 30 minutes) is a curling iron on dry hair with no product in it.

I have a pretty great ceramic iron with variable temperature settings that has done pretty well by me for the last few years, but the lines left in my hair from the clamp always bugged me. Hair this straight is pretty unforgiving. A bad clamp and impatient hold and it’s all bad. To further complicate things, I don’t curl my hair often enough to be proficient with it like the pros are. As much as I think I look better with curls and waves, the damage done by the heat and the clamps keeps it an occasional thing.

This brings us to the Sultra Bombshell. I don’t want to overstate things, but this thing is awesome. It’s basically a blazingly hot ceramic rod that you wrap your hair around. It comes with this crazy pink glove that you wear to protect your fingers from burning while you hold the hair in place around the rod. I cannot express to you how important it is that you use the glove. USE THE GLOVE. Otherwise, you will get very singed hands.

Minor burns aside, the Bombshell is very, very easy to use. Check out YouTube for some helpful videos on how to use it. For the messy waves I’m fond of, I found it best to hold the Bombshell upside down and wrap my hair around it from the base of the iron to the end. The results were better than I’ve ever been able to achieve.

Also, it’s quick. Curling my hair used to be a 15-30 minute enterprise (the more time I invested the better the result). With the Bombshell, I’ve got messy waves in 5. Glam hair in less than 10. Crazy ringlets in 15. Because there’s no clamp, my ends don’t get as fried either as they aren’t being compressed and abused. The curls last. Of course they fall some during the day, but generally, they hold together.

In the market for a curling iron? I wholeheartedly recommend this one. Unless, of course,  you don’t like beauty tools that are easy to use, yield great results and don’t cause hair damage. If you do, get one of these, fire it up and get ready for some easy to achieve, beautiful hair.

HRH